7th Hell
by dop3
Summary: Come see the Camden family slowly fall apart as all the family members mysteriously die in each chapter! gasp! CH.5 everyone dies!
1. the beginning

7th HELL

T'was a sunny Sunday afternoon when Eric Camden came tumbling home with a sack filled with cash. Young Eric, who was at the premature age of 59 had threatened to shoot everyone in the head if the didn't pay $20 in the collection box. Needles to say, Eric didn't take his Prozac that morning

"CHILDREEEN!" he proclaimed in his highly feminine, pansy voice. " We're going to…RED LOBSTER!"

He beamed at all 17 of them with his chunky smile.

" Annie, Lucy, Ruthie, Mary, Simmie, Matty, Davey, SAMMIE!"

They all skipped down the stairs except for Simon, who had two left feet (no seriously folks) they all skipped into their shitty 1995 Chrysler mini van and drove into the sunset to…RED LOBSTER!

When they got there they had to put two tables together for they had never seen such a large family before! Annie tried to amuse the twins with crappy ass colouring books (because she's such a bad mom) but they soon wandered off to the…Piranha cage!

One of the twins put his hand in the cage thinking it would be funny to 'play' with the fish. One of the Piranhas finally got pissed off at the twin and decided to get even. The fish bit into his hand and violently thrashed him around. Blood splashed as he evilly licked his lips.

The entertaining mime nearby silently laughed. One can quite easily come to the understanding that the twin died.

The CSI crew rushed to the scene for an investigation while the family sat clueless, cracking their lobster tails. It didn't take a brain surgeon to see that he dies to secure brain loss and drowning so they quickly rushed out of there leaving the severed body to float in the tank.

The dead twins finger lay twitching violently, much like a vibrating dildo. The living twin picked it up and caressed it gently against his cheek, mourning over his brother's death. He then, in one final act of love, stripped off his diaper and shoved the finger up his asshole, anally pleasuring himself where it got stuck never to be seen again.

Obituary

Last night a 1-½ year old boy died of small intestinal blockage and the inability to take a dump. His twin's body was found bloated and mutated in the fish tank. The family is now mourning the loss of both of the youngest of 20 children. You are welcome to join the Camden family at their local perish. Where past and father Eric Camden will be performing the service and hosting the funeral.


	2. car crash!

Annie Camden woke up at 3am on a Sunday morning to hear sounds of her favourite child, Simon attempting to sneak in.

"Shit…Damnit…FUCK!" Simon screamed as he repeatedly bumped into the corner of the counter, stabbing his penis every time.

"Simon…is that you? Simon honey…let me help you…" she cooed as she guided him away from the counter and into his room he still shared with his little sister, Ruthie.

After she was done stripping him and putting his pjs on she glanced at her little boy who was growing up so fast. He stood a foot taller than her with his emaciated frame and twitching face and hands. She tucked him in then gazed down at her beloved. She wondered when things had went so wrong…

**Flashback**

"Eric! I'm home! Where are you?" Annie exclaimed not used to walking into her house without a swarm of people greeting her.

After sobbing and vomiting on the floor and hershirt she decided to go and look.

"Ugh ugh you take it hard you bitch…mm take all of daddy now…ah..yes…uh uh…oh Simon your daddy's little slu-ANNIE!"

"ERIC! What is Jesus' name are you doing to our 5 year old son!"

Annie walked in on the sight of Eric's 70 year old obese,rotting, hairy old man body. He had Simon on his stomach and was slowly suffocating the boy from his rape. He quickly rolled off and ran out the door, punching Annie on the way.

" You tell nobody…NOBODY!"

Annie nodded and went to take care of Simon.

**End**

**The next morning**

The whole family was eating breakfast except for Simon who was still sleeping.

"Eric, I think there's something wrong with Simon…he's been acting funny lately. I'm concerned for him" Annie whispered to the whole table.

"Yah dad, Simon is looking so skinny! And he's always twitching, I think he has a drug problem!" Lucy yelledthen muttered to herself, "I wish I was that skinny,"

At this moment Simon chose to try and walk down the stairs, tripped and smashed his face onto the floor.

"SIMON WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" Eric yelled as he went over to kick Simon in the stomach.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. I'm so SORRY! I mean it!" he started to kiss Eric's feet but suddenly moved up and unzipped Eric's pants.

Eric glanced at his family who were happily conversing about flowers and whispered "later son,"

They went and sat down and had their usual conversation…

" I can't take this pain anymore. I can't believe I killed a boy in a car crash. His life is over now, I took away one of Gods creations. A special, unique person like me…I ENDED HIS LIFE! Its just too surreal, and im going to have to live with this for the rest of my life!"

"Simon shut the fuck up!" Ruthie said but gave him mixed messages as she spread her legs and revealed that she was wearing no panties under her black leather miniskirt.

Simon then chose the moment to throw up on her, his projectile vomit slashing all over her face.

He had to get away from this insanity. He hated his family with a fiery passion, burning so intensely…or whatever, enough of this philosophy bullshit, he had to go find his dealer.

He ran out of the house and quickly hotwired their van and pulled out of the drive way and into the street. As he sped down the street going an impressive 180 in the residential zone he suddenly saw a boy walk out on to the street.

And in an ironic twist of fate in Simons angst filled life it was the boy he killed! (Lets call him Bobby because I don't know the real name)

"No…no way… I must be having a withdrawal symptom," Simon muttered to himself and decided speed up, but quickly realized their shitty car could only go 180.

Well, he suddenly found out that Bobby was in fact, not an illusion caused by cocaine withdrawal and severe depression issues but a real human again!

Before he could hit the brakes he car smashed into Bobby sending him flying into the air and smashing into a tree.

Simon sprinted him and cradled him in his twiggy arms.

"Oh Bobby! How are you still alive? I've been wanting to tell you all these things but I never could because you were ..DEAD! I just want to tell you that you have absolutely NO idea how it feels to take away a human life. No one knows what I have been going throu-

"Simon shut the fuck up for Gods sake! No one gives a shit. And you know what? Im dying again, yah God gave me a second chance because he knows how much of a dumb ass you are and so He said my death didn't count, but now…BUT NOW YOU KILLED ME AGAIN! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! I hope you regret this for the rest of your life," After his outburst Bobby took one more breath then collapsed into Simons arms.

"WHY GOD…WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

AN: Well that's the 2nd chapter. I hope you liked it, if you didnt uh good anyway. Read in my profile it says i write crappy stories.


	3. coke addict

AN: Ok I just want to say I love all the reviews I get hehe flames or not (flames r the funneh!)

You should just be happy with the fact that this story has proper spelling, half the others don't.

RuthiePeter4ever I don't see you writing any stories. Maybe its because you cant spell? Just a guess… anyway I know my story is shit and I love it :) lol

Allison thanks you comment really inspired me really maybe one day ill try to write a good story!

Oh! And I forgot the DISCLAIMER: I (happily) do not own 7th Heaven

Now after the incident at breakfast the Camden's did what any other loving parent would do if they found out their son was a crack addict, they called the cops.

The police, who were used to getting calls from the Camden's regularly (at least 3 times a week) still had to come but decided to come 2 hours after the initial call, when they arrived they saw Annie frantically pacing the lawn, walking in tiny circles looking like she was possessed by the devil.

She placed her shaking hands in her fake blonde hair tugging at it. "Argh I cant believe this, my family is perfect…perfectperfectperfectperfect perfect perfect…diediediediediediediediediediedie…" she muttered under her breath.

"Please you've got to help us! Simon just ran away to his crack dealer! Can you go find him? Annie hasn't stopped pacing the lawn ever since she called you!" Eric cried as he wiped his snotty nose on his grey t-shirt that had grease and sweat stains on it.

"We'll be right on it sir!" Cop#1 said, wanting to get away from the sight as fast as he could.

The two cops quickly got into the car and drove off to the local drug dealer's house. When they got there they saw two black males sitting on the front lawn piss ass drunk and smoking a bowl. 50 Cent's Candy shop was playing on a beat up stereo and a dirty Mexican was break dancing to it.

"Mind if we search your house Jamal?" Cop#2 inquired, already holding up the search warrant he kept handy in his pocket when he came to this house.

"uhh…" Jamal started to speak but before he could form a full sentence his friend DeShawn exclaimed loudly, " Shit nigga! This weed couldn't get a mouse high!"

"Yo man shuddup, this is the best shit I could find right now!"

"OK THAT'S IT, YOUR UNDER ARREST!" cop#1 screamed as he tackled the two men in one jump.

"BLUP BLUP RUN NIGGAS RUUUUN!" the Mexican exclaimed as he sprinted down the street to safety.

Cop#2 dramatically kicked the door in holding his pistol and ran inside, searching the house. He came to a closed bedroom door with disturbing sounds coming form the other side. Taking a deep breath the cop gathered the courage to open the door. You see he was one of those rare people on the planet who had a phobia of touching doorknobs and opening doors. He decided to knock the door down instead of suffering the trauma of opening it. With a running leap he slammed his body into the old door and broke through!

_YES! I made it through! And all I did was knock my heart out of place! _He silently cheered.

But the vision before him was terrifying, horrifying, petrifying lol and frightening!

Simon was deep throating his black drug dealer, Tyrone's cock, while he was moaning.

The cop let out a shocked GASP and Tyrone turned to look at him.

"Oh FUCK no!"

He shoved Simon's head away a bit too hard and he bonked his head on the wall loosing consciousness.

Tyrone whipped out his pistol hidden in some secret part of his body and pistol-whipped the cop.

" Who da hell you think you are man? Walking in on us like that?" he repeatedly kicked the cop in the stomach till he was dead, "show you bitch!" he said as he walked back into the room.

There he found Simon foaming at the mouth and blood coming out of his nose and ears. He scooped him up in his arms.

"Simmy? Oh my beautiful Simon, did you OD on coke again?"

" n..no…Tyrone..i-im …dying…" Simon wheezed out.

"What how!"

" Im…dying f-ff-from…the h-homo..s-sssexual …disease…a-AIDS,"

"Simon how? How could you! I don't have AIDS…you cheated on me didn't you…DIDN'T YOU! You little slutwhore I knew you were sleeping with Jamal for extra coke!" Tyrone wept and punched Simon's chest at the same time.

"Ty…Im s-so …sorry….goodbye…"

And with those words Simon died (finally) his family found him 13 days later in their garden where he had already started to decay, making fertile soil for the plants.

AN: omg! who will die next? Annie? the dad? one of their ten million kids! find out next chapter!


	4. You say a toaster did it?

After the family had done mourning Simon (he wasn't that much of a loss) they decided to go out to eat at Denny's.

The whole gang was there this time, Kevin and Lucy, who were arguing …AGAIN. Roxanne and the Pastor Guy who were holding baby Savannah. Ruthie and Peter who were giving each other oral sex under the table. Mat and his deaf girlfriend (Heather?) were attempting to talk…but she couldn't hear him hahhahahaha…so he had to sign. Martin and Cecilia were in a deep conversation. Even Mary decided to come with her trashy husband Carlos. Annie, Eric and the grandpa were sitting there clueless because they are so fucking old and are losing their memories and shit.

They waited for an hour for the waiter to serve them since he didn't want to write down all their orders so he avoided them.

"You stupid, lazy, incompetent fuck! How dare you not serve us for one whole fucking hour? Don't you know who I am? I'm the saintly Eric Camden! I'm very disgusted with this service, thank you for your time and may God bless you." Eric yelled at the waiter after he finally came to the table.

" Then why don't you take your service somewhere else sir?" the EMO waiter responded sarcastically then pushed back a strand of his jet-black hair that covered his eye.

Before Eric could respond with "because my fucking family is to big to go somewhere expensive" he walked away.

" Goddamn kids these days" he muttered.

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP Kevin's pager went off. "OH SHIIIIIIT! I gotta go! Duty calls!"

As he started to walk out the door Lucy flung herself onto Kevin because she's a little annoying bitch who acts like she's 10 years old.

"Kevin noooooooooooooooooo! You can't leave the baby and me! You always do this to me! You put work before your family!" She screamed making a scene.

"Yah well someone has to support the family since YOU decided to become a pastor, like your ever gonna bring money into this family, useless bitch!" He punched her in the ovaries and she fell to the floor. Then he left.

In the kitchen

The Emo waiter is cutting his wrist and letting the blood drip over the spaghetti sauce in Eric's spaghetti.

He came out and gave everyone's food and Ruthie and Peter decided to come up from the table.

To Roxanne's shock Ruthie had semen smeared all over her face and in her hair.

"Oh my God! Ruthie! You've been having …SEX! Underage SEX! Im going to have to arrest you…im so sorry…gotta obey the law ya know?" She cuffed Ruthy and started to lug her out. When Eric came and slapped her.

"That's for using the Lords name in vain! Repent you sins!" He screamed.

"She bowed to Eric and ran away dragging Ruthie by the neck, which the cuff miraculously fit around."

** Crime scene…w/e**

"What's the situation here?" Kevin demanded to a lesser cop.

" Sir! We have a deranged 6'5, Caucasian, cross dressing male holding a daycare hostage wearing a dominatrix, pleather nurse suit. He won't leave till he gets his kid from his lover. His name is Hedwig," The cop reported.

Just then a 300lb middle-aged man huffed out holding his kid. " You aint getting my baby Hedwig! You haven't paid child support in 7 years! You just want his developing sexy child-teen body!"

This sent Hedwig into a mad rage that almost rivalled THE LOOK IN SATANS EYES! ARGH! He then proceeded to open fire with his machine gun on everyone, holding it at his crotch, running around in his pure white 6inch platforms.

" Hedwig no! Im your biggest fan! You finally gave me the courage to dress in my wife's clothes when she isn't home! I..I love you!" Kevin yelled as he ran forward.

"Fuck You!" He screamed and fired at Kevin who was now 2 meters away. Guts flew everywhere. Hedwig then promptly killed himself creating a murder/suicide. It was said to be caused from midlife crisis, severe depression, long term anorexia and abuse.

Back at Denny's

Lucy has just seen the news, which covered the report on Kevin's death.

" Lucy I am fo forry," the deaf girl said.

"OMFG, OMFG, OMFG SHUT THE FUCK UP HEATHER! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE? MY WHOLE LIFE HAS JUST BEEN KILLED!"

"Uut about da babeee?" Heather asked.

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DON'T CARE ABOUT SAVANNAH!" Lucy went into a frenzy smashing her head against the table, ripping out her hair, and stabbing her head with kitchen utensils. " I have no reason to live…" she got up and ran to the washroom before anyone could say anything.

"should we go help her?" Pastor Guy said.

"No, no I think she just needs time alone," Eric responded to lazy to care about Lucy.

When she didn't come back for an hour the whole family ventured into the females bathroom to find it flooded. They saw Lucy's legs sticking under the 3rd stall and opened it to find something shocking… Lucy lay with her face shoved into the toilet and had drowned herself.

**Later that night **

The whole family gathered at the Camden's mourning the loss of Lucy, Simon and the twins. They were flicking through the channels and came to Larry King and the subtitle ran across the screen: Teen girl gang raped and murdered in female prison. Could it be? In a sick twist of fate had Ruthy died too? Well to answer your question…YES! She was dead.

She misfortunately had the misfortune of getting on the bad side of a butch-dyke gang in prison and they had gang raped her with a long metal pole…ouch. She died of deep penetration and blood loss.

"AHH I cant believe this! Ruthie and I loved each other!" Peter's voice cracked as he ran into the garage. The family was too shocked to even process Peters outburst, not hearing the loud choking sounds and only noticed his absence 2 hours later. They found him in the garage; he had hung himself with electrical wire. (Only 12.99 at Kmart!)

**Mary and Carlos' Rent by the hour hotel**

"Hey Mary, come check out this shit," Carlos said as he held a PCP blunt (lmao I dunno how the hell they r taken)

"Carolos im tired of your drug use! I told you I only smoke weed! You know what? I'm leaving!

"Fine bitch I never needed you anyway!" "

**1 hour later**

Carlos felt invincible! King of the world! Like super man but the real question was…could he actually fly? There was only one way to find out…

…

SPLAT

Carlos' body contacted with the pavement 7 stories below his hotel and he finally died!

There was no funeral service for Carlos so he was left to rot in the woods.

The next morning

The next morning Grandpa Camden was making the whole family toast when his toast got stuck in the ancient toaster, how unfortunate. Being so old he could not make out the difference between a butter knife and a steak knife. He put his index finder inside the toaster and was shocked when it got burnt. In some kind of epileptic-Parkinson's twitch his other hand swung down and chopped his finger off!

" Ahhh!" he yelled has he fell to the floor and broke his hip.

The next morning Matt came in and saw the scene. He saw his grandpa lying on the floor dead. To some people this would have been a traumatizing event but to Matt being the great doctor/(necrophiliac) he was hid the body for other purposes it could provide him later…he got his breakfast ready and started to put the bread in the toaster when he found a finger! Gross! He got a fork and tried to fish it out but it was stuck. He stabbed the fork into the finger and tried to pull it out but suddenly…

…

ZAP!

Matt was electrocuted…NO WAY you say?

Just then two dark figures appeared in the hallway…

AN: omgomg who cud it be lol? Next chapter is the last one everyone dies!


	5. the end

Haha ok I can't really remember who the dark figures were supposed to be so …

Annie and Eric rushed into the room to see two bodies lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Annie went into shock as soon as her brain comprehended the scene.

" Oh my God! Why is everyone dying? Eric why is everyone dying!"

" I don't know Annie, but maybe we need to get away. Maybe we should go to Rome? Get some spiritual getaway?" Eric suggested.

"Yah! Eric that's a great idea!"

The next day the remaining family members had booked flights to Rome and were all packed up and ready to go.

At the airport they were all sitting around waiting for the flight to arrive, when suddenly…

"Eric where is baby Savannah!" Annie screamed, " We forgot her at home! What are we going to do now?" she frantically shook her head making her wig fall off revealing a bald head due to stress.

"Shhh, be calm Annie, God will take care of her, its all right," He comforted.

Back at Home

Baby Savannah if lying on the front lawn when a horse and buggy stops beside the house. 5 Mormons jump out and snatch her away, she was never seen again.

**Airport**

"Flight 62 going from Camdens town to Rome is now boarding" The intercom rang out.

"I have to go to the washroom ill be right back," Martin called out as he bolted away.

"He should do what I do when we go on planes," Eric said and patted his ass where the squishing of a diaper was heard.

They boarded the plane and arrived in Rome many hours later. The 6 remaining members left of their colossal family crammed into one small rent by the hour hotel room. Lying 3 to a bed they cried themselves to sleep.

The next morning they finally noticed the disappearance of Martin.

"I can't believe this! I swear to God he wa- Annie started but was slapped by Eric.

"Never EVER use HIS name in vain!" He screamed, "Martin is in Gods hands now, he will be fine,"

**Somewhere in Iraq**

"You mean I took the wrong plane! FUCK! Well at least I can find my dad now…" Martin conversed with the lady at the airport.

"Yah whatever kid can you leave now?" She asked.

Martin was so happy he couldn't believe he was in the same country as his Father. His Daddy. He ran through the airport and ran out the door…almost, but he got caught in the spinning door and got crushed.

5 long hours later he was able to pull himself out. He ran out onto the streets that were filled with terrorists. "DADDY!" He shrieked in a fit of insanity causing the terrorists to grip their ears. Martin was unfortunately shot in the head.

**Back in Rome at McDonalds**

Eric was pimpin. With his wife, Cecilia, Roxan and Heather, all these sexy bitches around him he was effing cool… yah right. Then Pastor Guy walked up and ruined his image.

"Guys guess what I just got!" He exclaimed.

"WHAT?" Roxanne asked her boyfriend.

"THIS!" He replied and unzipped his pants and let them fall to the ground showing the world his pierced penis.

Everyone in McDonalds stopped what they were doing and stared. People were hit with shock and revulsion at difference times. Many puked into their happy meal bags.

Heather went momentarily blind and with 2 senses lost went psycho and accidentally fell into the deep fry and shrived up

**The next day**

"Hunny are you sure its not infected?" Roxanne asked as she glanced at her boyfriends Prince Albert.

It was a sickly black and bluish colour that was spreading throughout his whole genital area with little bits of yellow.

"Yah its fine!" Pastor Guy lied. Secretly he in unbearable pain.

1 Hour later 

"Oh shiiiiit! My penis…aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. Someone save me!"

Pastor Guy was rushed to the ER but it was too late… the infection had spread throughout his entire body. He suffered for 16 hours on his death bed from paralysis and lots of other weird symptoms.

The remaining 4 people- Eric, Annie, Mary and Cecilia- were left sitting in their cheap hotel.

"My life is over Eric. I can't go on, all my kids are dead except for Mary but I never loved her anyway,"

"shh its ok Annie," Eric soothed her, "lets go see the Pope he will help us!"

so they walked to the where the Pope lived.

"Hi! Long time no see Pope!" Eric exclaimed gaily as we walked into the room showering kisses all over the Pope.

"Yo Eric hows it been going homie?" the Pope asked.

"Well my whole family had been killed in freak accidents im starting to get worried,"

"Dude just CHILL want me to bless your family?"

"oh my god please!" Mary shouted.

The Pope just stared at her. Who was this ugly bitch who had just used the Lords name in vain? In his presence too!

"Someone execute this sinner!" he shouted and Mary was immediately shot.

The remaining 4 rushed out but Roxanne unfortunately ran into a construction site and died in a chainsaw accident. 

**3 months later**

Annie was severely depressed. She sat at the kitchen table staring at her pill bottles. She had become a drug addict, popping an OTC pills she could find.

Tired of life without her kids she downed a whole bottle of Xanax and died.

" Annie NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Eric screamed for a whole minute.

He ran out onto the street in hysteria when suddenly the ground in front of him opened up. A dark figure cam floating up.

"Eric, you have caused this world pain for too long!" the Devil exclaimed, " Me and God hav-

" Um, Devil? Its God and I" Eric corrected too stupid to realize he was about to die.

" ARGH! Well GOD AND I have decided that you are the most pathetic human being on this earth. You are an insult to everything humanity has ever accomplished. See you in Hell Eric,"

With that he blasted Eric with his devil powers and Eric disappeared forever! Thus ending this story! Whoohooo!

" wait! I'm alive! I survived!" Cecilia bounded out skipping around the yard, " I'm still ALIIIIVE!"

In Hell the devil snapped his fingers and she spontaneously combusted and later was picked up by the CSI team and investigated in a plastic bag.

THE END!


End file.
